I caught up with someone the other day and there was a moment in the conversation that was different to most and it’s probably the same for you at times. There’s nothing wrong with the regular catching up process where we say “How’s it going?” or “How’s things?” for the standard “Getting there” or “Good” answer but sometimes someone will add “Really” or “Actually” to their ‘how are you?’. “How are things, really?” This should lead any conversation with that addition into a deeper direction even if only briefly.
There’s a moment after the ‘really’ lands where you have to choose whether to go deeper or stay with the ‘Good’. Now there is the fact of who you share your heart with and that’s fair but the times that people often go deeper with their ‘really’ that you wouldn’t want to ‘Yeah Nah…good’ them all away every time. What ‘really’ does is expand what is a closed question with; Good, okay, Yes or No answers to a something that taps into your feelings that needs emphasis, explanation or expansion.
I answered my question with what I’d been up to lately, how that was working out with me and also my family and some of the feeling stuff had to come up to honour this person’s ‘really’. It’s easier to say Good isn’t it! Pushing past the good though leads to depth, it leads to deeper connection and it leads to a life where people actually care about what they ask and what they hear.
Even in the church environment and with Christian friends, the reality is the ‘really’ component is rarely asked because we can see each other a lot but seeing each other is not depth. I see certain motorists and commuters on the way to work every day enough to recognise them but we are not anywhere near the ‘really’ stage. I don’t even know them! I would have to ask that. It’s not that we are all superficial because our hearts are precious and our inner person is something we protect but, occasionally moving into the ‘really’ space when someone asks is an opportunity because you’re being invited into someone else’s life too and we have to ask that.
You might say; “No-one asks me” and this may in turn mean you don’t ask anyone their ‘really’. That’s okay but you could ask it to someone who you genuinely are engaged with and see what happens over time. Jesus was okay with asking his close friends, the disciples, his really.
Jesus withdrew with his disciples to the lake, and a large crowd from Galilee followed. Mark 3:7.
I don’t think it was just one training camp after another or debrief and training sessions. It was about life and meaningful life together, and this can come about because you bring the really. Not every time but enough for people to know you’re not a settler for good or getting there but you’re genuinely going after what actually is.
Is there someone you can bring your ‘really’ to this week?